Have you ever seen a couple who were constantly fighting with each other, and you kinda just thought to yourself ‘these two shouldn’t even be together. Why waste their precious time for these endless fights and arguments?’
But growing up (or more like growing old) and being in a relationship, I realized, that’s not always the case.
I had arguments countless times before in my previous relationship, and the fights I had felt tremendously draining. They sucked the energy out of me, along with the love and happiness, until there’s nothing left. Of course, I tried to talk about the issues a couple of times, but some people just doesn’t have the capability to process and accept complaints and new insights at all. So, I bottled up my feelings until I decided to end the toxic relationship.
After that, I tend to avoid arguments as much as I could. To endure and not talk about the ugly things. I was so used to not talking. I thought I was a total introvert.
…until I met my boyfriend. The realist, outspoken guy who’s unapologetically himself, yet thoughtful and wise beyond his age. (AKA the actual definition of a badass.)
I learned a bunch of things from him, including: bottling up your feelings is actually very damaging for your self and the relationship. When you don’t talk about what concerns you just to get over with it, you’ll lose your voice, bury your own ideas, you can’t reach any middle ground, and most importantly, it leads to unnecessary assumptions, insecurities, and the list goes on. It damages your personality in general.
Also, when a couple disagree about something, it does not have to turn into a huge fight. Just disagree about it, hear each other’s point of views, and respect them. (Yes, we can actually do that. Not being a Drama Queen/King is doable.)
Plus, when you have a conversation with your partner about the things you originally didn’t want to talk about, it shows that you trust your partner. That’s how it works. When you’re comfortable with your partner, you can talk about everything. No secrets to hide. Your secrets are no longer your own, they are theirs too.
You get to share your load of baggage with them. It’s fine. As long as you don’t overly depress the shit out of them and actually try to find the solutions together, like two mature, functional adults. Yay.
So the main point is, communication. Communicate everything. As simple as that.
Now that I’m in a new relationship with this amazing guy, I could see that these healthy arguments and disagreements are essential to our growth as a couple. It’s not just about us being assholes to each other, but us speaking our minds, dreams, frustrations, expectations, how to meet those expectations, etc. It’s amazing.
Most of the things I wrote here are quoted from my boyfriend. So, shout out to the awesome guy. I’m the luckiest #TeamFanta member. (Yes, we have our own team name, because why not?)